The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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