Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
