It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
