wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
