I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
