kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
