He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
