..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
we're so committed to being not committed
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
