No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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