I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
