I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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