so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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