Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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