Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
