Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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