Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
