I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize