I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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