Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
