Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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