so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
