Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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