yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Semen is not good for contacts.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
