SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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