I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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