Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
