I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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