at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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