She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
