so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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