There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
