2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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