I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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