Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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