Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
