watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
