I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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