Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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