Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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