he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
