Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
