there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
