I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
