Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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