I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
