Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
