Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
