put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You're a waste of cheezeits
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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