I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
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You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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