$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
