Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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