When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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