im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
