i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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