The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
