I want to stick my p in your. b.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
