Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Every concussion has its silver lining
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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