I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Still dying that you shit outside
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
