ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
