So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
