I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I bet he comes in French.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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