I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
