i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
