i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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