No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
