i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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