The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
be right there i have to get my cape
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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