apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
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Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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