Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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