I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
birth control should be required to get into college
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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