I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
