so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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