In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I supernannyed him into submission
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
