Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
