Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
